December 29, 2019
Hi all, I wanted to share my insights on dating (since I’m single and opening myself to dating). The last year was an intensive review of my life, and during that time, I focused on not dating (although I did here and there, and if you aren’t a gay dude, ignore the gay undertones ).
Here are my observations:
1. Be AUTHENTIC, be true to who you are, flaws and all this is what makes you, you. Embrace yourself, and don’t hide who you are. Being authentic and true to yourself is powerful in itself. Nobody can argue with who you are or how you feel. If they do move on, they are not aware of your value or potentially have little self-awareness.
2. Be KIND; kindness is the key to authenticity and opening oneself up. When you meet a person, understand you don’t know the trauma or situations that shaped their lives. Take care of them and show understanding and curiosity. They are a unique treasure that should be dealt with gently, for crying out loud; this is another human being with feelings. It doesn’t mean you have to fall for them or date them even if you don’t have an interest... just simply be kind. Dating shouldn’t be an interview; it should be a connection (or not) treat each other with kindness.
3. Be HONEST, with others and especially yourself, are you the best you? Will you truly be a good partner? Do you need time to tidy up your emotional house? If you struggle with the “why” and “why not,” take a moment and do a personal inventory. Maybe you aren’t ready to care for another, or perhaps you are, just be honest with yourself. If you truly want to meet someone, are apps the place to find them? Is swiping left and right really showing value and treating others like humans? Life and love may not be an endless smorgasbord of options that we can toss aside. Get out, do what you love, and take a risk.
4. VALUE, yourself, and others. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love another? Okay, ya RuPaul blah blah, but true! How can we expect to love somebody and hope for reciprocation if we don’t love who we are cruddy bits, and all? Maybe take the time to love who you are and see your value.
5. Be ALIVE, in this life; we have one shot, so do it right, get off your butt and live it! It doesn’t mean you have to quit your job to save whales in the Sea of Japan or tie yourself to a heritage tree from getting cut down (both cool, btw) but get out and experience life. Please take a moment to see the beauty that surrounds us and do something. Who cares what others think as long as you are not hurting anyone or anything... DO IT! Also, it makes us interesting and desirable who doesn’t want that!?!?
6. Let GO of the ones that hurt you and don’t understand you. Your energy pie only has so many slices, so give it to those people who understand, love/care for you, and reciprocate. Be giving to others but don’t forget those who have supported and cared for you; they deserve a slice. Also, let go of self-criticism and shame; life is too short. Believe it or not, for the most part, how you view yourself is not an accurate portrayal of how the world views you. Give yourself a break and be gentle with yourself. Kindness isn’t just for others.
7. Be RESILIENT, have a purpose push through. The more challenges we conquer and confront, the easier the next gets. Have a zest to live! Honestly, being bitter or defeated doesn’t attract people, chin up and push on. Life isn’t perfect, and in many cases, it’s shitty, but these ups and down help us create a deeply intricate life experience. Without the lows, we don’t have the highs! And I know being a Person who struggled with severe depression and still have severe anxiety, kick it’s ass and move forward.
8. WANT vs. NEEDS, we all have wanted the hot guy with abs, big ...... blah blah blah, but what do you actually need in a partner? For me, it’s someone kind, consistent, caring, communicative, strong, and understanding. Living with severe anxiety means I need a man that can understand the process I go through and see me, actually see me. What do you need to be successful in a relationship, and what do you provide??? Can you be patient? Do you need patience in a man? Think about it; there is a big difference in wants and needs.
9. Be HOPEFUL, when we spend time enriching ourselves with the above traits (not the best term, but you get it), hope becomes powerful. I have been on my journey of awakening, and the thoughts I mentioned above have provided me with so much hope for more than just dating.
I hope this helps one or two of you. Show kindness and love for one another; it’s free and actually really nice. I am sure I will update this a dozen times. Please feel free to share if it strikes you.
Love you all, and I wish you a happy 2020!
Ryan